I like it the old-fashioned way…

journalsJournaling, that is.  I can’t imagine my fingers clicking away as I keep a digital record of my most private thoughts.  No, I prefer the feel of my Bic Round Stic pen as it glides across my preferred spiral bound, thin lined, purse sized journal.

Every feel you need a place you could vent endlessly about your trials and tribulations in love (or lack thereof), life and trying to make sense of it all???  A journal provides a captive audience that is willing to listen without judgment or comment to WHATEVER you want to say.

For me, journaling has been a Godsend.  I have shelves in my closet full of these life journals that I’ve kept since high school.   When I was done writing for the day,  I closed the book and felt I could put those worries aside and keep them in that book and it was safer that way.

It can be helpful to try different journal styles to see what works for you.  I recommend trying the empowerment journal if you are trying to gain confidence in yourself or to fulfill a particular goal.  It’s simple.  When you feel so moved, write down things that you are proud of that you accomplished that day, that week or anytime in your life.  It can be small things, like I’m proud that I got to work on time in a presentable fashion or big things, like I’m proud of myself for getting a promotion at work or helping my child feel better about themselves after being bullied at school.

The gratitude journal is very popular this year.  A way to cut through all the negativity around you is to remember things you are grateful for.  Perhaps you are grateful for a chance to talk to a friend that you’ve lost touch with or that the construction noise outside your building has finally stopped.  It can be as simple as appreciating that you have a roof over your head or the chance to have a meal together with your whole family.

So, try it out.  Put Down The Laptop.  Maybe just go down to the local coffee shop with your pad and paper and see how it feels to scribble down ideas about your thoughts and dreams.

Love yourself in style

My daughter has a hand-me-down white Benetton shirt with a purple marker stain on the elbow that has a simple message for women that they often forget.

I love my style,

I love my wear,

I love my shirt,

I love my color,

I love myself.

She loves it.  Her style is smart and sassy in her sparkly gold Hello Kitty shirt with purple polka dot leggings and black fashion boots.  She explains that of course she loves herself, and because she loves herself, she can love other people.

Do you remember that sense of love you had for yourself as a young child?  Did you struggle through the tween and teenager years to feel good about how you looked and if you were “good” enough?”

Do you love yourself enough now?

Here are my ideas for loving yourself more:

Be Yourself– The more you can be yourself, the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more you can love yourself.  If you compare yourself to others and try to dress or act like someone else to feel better about yourself, you’ll end up feeling worse.

Don’t sit around with your feelings of inferiority!  We all feel insecure at times but the more we focus on it, the worse it becomes.  Find ways to go out in the world and do things that you enjoy to distract you from these feelings.  The more you are successful in these interests and passions, the sooner you’ll gain confidence and love yourself more.

Understand it’s not necessarily your fault.  Women often follow the rules and do all the “right things” and feel responsible if they:

  • Can’t find a partner
  • Can’t find a job
  • Their marriage/ relationship ends
  • People don’t like them

Life is easier if you realize that you aren’t responsible for external factors.

Don’t try to be perfect.

You can only learn if you take some risks, make mistakes and learn.  You don’t have to be perfect- it’ll just get in the way of loving yourself.

Take Your Time.  Find Your Style.  Love Yourself.

What will your “two steps forward” be?

I was starting to panic as I approached my 30th birthday. Unhappy with my job, unhappy in love, and feeling disconnected from others.  I would walk around New York City by myself and frequently pass the tiny storefront of a dive bar in Chelsea called the B.M.W. (Beer, Music and Wine) bar.  I was intrigued by the musicians playing on the stage and wanted to go in and listen, but I would have to pass by the stage and people would stare.

One Sunday, courage and curiosity won out and I boldly took my two steps forward into that bar.  They were having an open mike with guitarists blasting out their two original songs as if it were The Bowery Ballroom.  I hadn’t played my guitar in about seven years and never in front of an audience.  I was asked if I wanted to try to write my own song and perform it next Sunday.  I didn’t know if I could do but I couldn’t wait to go home, dust off my guitar and try.

I did it and it flowed from there.   There, I meet the man who was the recording engineer on my CD, which is called “Two Steps Forward”, based on a song I wrote about moving on from your past.  He is now my husband.  I am now at peace with my career choice, and my relationships.

I often think about what my life would be like if I didn’t step in that bar on that day.  Step outside your comfort zone and see what happens.

SMART resolutions for 2013

As the New Year approaches, women begin contemplating their resolutions.  This can be a disappointing process as we often aim high and are surprised when by January 5th, we are already eating pints of Haagen Daaz, have stopped exercising, are working long hours and are spending too much time on Facebook.

Here are some smart ways to make resolutions based on Neuroscience Coach David Rock’s SMART model for goals.

First- A goal must be:

Specific–  A lot of women want to drop the holiday pounds they put on or a few pounds or more in 2013.    If you are going to achieve this goal, be specific.  How much weight?  Am I going to count calories or eat less carbohydrates? Drink more water?  Eat many small meals?  Am I going to do Zumba classes three times a week or 20 pushup and sit ups a day? List as many details as possible.    Don’t forget to make the goal Attainable.

Measurable– Health experts say that measuring waist size is a more accurate measurement than pounds.  Whatever you are going to measure (whether you can fit in that black dress or not), be consistent.  Measure yourself in the morning when you first get up.

Attainable– Don’t set yourself up to fail!!!  Make a reasonable goal that you can achieve and you will start the new year with a sense of accomplishment.  Have someone help you be accountable for your diet and exercise program.

Relevant- Goals are only realized if they are relevant to you. Only if losing weight is important to you and you are motivated to succeed, can progress be made.  Maybe this is a goal for you, but you are preoccupied with something else more important right now.

Time Limited– Your goal has to be completed within a certain time frame.  Pick that time frame and stick to it.  If you succeed, congratulations!  If not, find a new goals when you are ready and make it SMART!